I love Oreos, but…

…but they always get stuck in your teeth.  And not just stuck, but really jammed up in those back molars like some course coating of caked up flour and sugar.  And then you tongue it to try to lodge it out, and for the most part you can break off the large chunks.  But then you look in the mirror and you’re still one step away from zombie teeth so you try to get your finger in there to scrape it out.  And picking at your teeth is always awkward. You can’t look someone straight in the eye while they’re picking their teeth.  Have you ever been having a conversation with someone only to look up and see their mouth opened wide all dentist style, with their hand halfway down their throat, mining for debris?  It’s a private activity, and yet, we do it in public all the time because Oreo teeth are the worst.  So maybe you finally get in there and get that pesky junk out, only to look at your hand and find the black gook now lodged under your fingernail.  Oreo fingers are also the worst, so you try to scrape it out with your other hand and now you have Oreo gunk on both hands.  Maybe some off it falls off in the process, which you quickly discard by flicking to the floor, but the rest just festers there like you’ve been digging holes in the soil all day with your hands.  The only answer to this fiasco is to carry mouthwash, a toothbrush, and a manicure set for emergency fingernail excavations with you at all times.

#moderndayneurosis

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